it’s no surprise that on new years eve morning I spent time in reflection over the past year. it’s that time of year when most folks do some sort of reflecting. it’s also no surprise that I found myself in tears, in humble adoration of my Lord, this morning as I reflected
its hard in the moment of day to day living to really see your growth. the changes you have made. how each little turn to the right makes HUGE strides in the overall course of your life.
so today I took time to see just that
last year this time I was 6 weeks newly divorced. 10 months out of my home. numb. exhausted. scared. overwhelmed. living alone. working. managing life. really well all things considered.
this year as i look back I see the ripple effects of learning to extend grace and forgiveness to myself and to really love myself. there have been huge moments of clarity in counseling along the way this year. there have been small turns to the right. but all of them have added up to tremendous growth and change from the inside out for me.
as I have learned to extend understanding, acceptance, grace, forgiveness and love to myself, I have seen others through newly clear, wise, open eyes. I have been able to love others as they are, understanding they too have wounds that i cannot see or even understand. that they too are doing the best they can with the tools they have. I have learned to care for my needs and not look for approval from others. I can take damn good care of myself. because truly only I know what I need. it is not up to someone else to fix me. I tend my own wounds. and it is good.
I have learned the art and the need for strong boundaries. to hear what others are saying and recognize their actions really are backing their words up…and I have protected myself accordingly. not ending my love for them but keeping my heart safe while they do their own stuff.
I have seen I have courage. big courage. and I intend to practice that a lot more this coming year. I will move again. I will have my own place again. I will hold my head high in the courts knowing I have nothing to hide from, be embarrassed by or run from. knowing I have always carried myself with integrity and honor.
I will engage in new relationships. with grace and respect. I will not tolerate mis-treatment. I will make new friends, find new interests. I will not run from life, nor will I hide from it. life is to be embraced
I will practice embracing new things. trusting my gut. trusting myself because I alone know myself. I alone show others how to treat me.
I will do this knowing I am loved deeply by my Savior. that He never leaves me nor forsakes me. That He always goes before me. and He never leaves my side.
I will do this with grace. and courage. and integrity. and peace.
and in doing so, I will continue to become all that I have been created to be.